Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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