so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
