yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
