You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize