Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
