Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
