i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
