I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
