Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
