Me. At least after what I've been through.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
