oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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