my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I looked at my own cervix.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
