Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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