Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
