my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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