I bet he comes in French.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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