I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize