Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
