she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize