You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
