Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
