I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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