So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
