is your mom at the bar?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
