Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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