Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
