And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
