she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
