i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
