everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
