after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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