rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i have two assholes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
