i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
