So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
