Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
