: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
