She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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