we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
