so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
