i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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