Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
