You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
