I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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