I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
