Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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