how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
3 2 1 whiskey
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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