he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
