Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
