His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
