i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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