i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
