It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
