the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
