Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
