We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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