yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
