girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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