I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
