you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
