After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
