but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
