Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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