You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
