I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
