how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
