I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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