tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
