I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
