It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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