i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
