so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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