you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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